I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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