I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
