there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
