She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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