so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
