apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
