What did we do last night that was yellow?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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