I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
