He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
