dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Four minutes until I can fart!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize