Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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