wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
