it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
