The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
