My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
