How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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