I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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