I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We're too hungover to prance.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
