You can't special order awesome
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
