We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
