I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I had to cum in my sink.
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