I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
