in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
