i need an iv and a liver transplant
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
