just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
