GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
