If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
