Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
