she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize