I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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