This is not my ceiling
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
