either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
