apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize