dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
