seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
