if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
two words...techno handjob
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
