I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
