my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
