I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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