i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
