so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
