so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
