I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
