so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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