I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
