New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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