OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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