a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
