I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
