I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
