There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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