the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
