having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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