She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
