The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
