Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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