there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
tonight lets celebrate not being married
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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