Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Randomize
