This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
