How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
