I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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