I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
