I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
