Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
