Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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