I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
There's even glitter on my cock...
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