So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
