The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
