There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
