You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
