Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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