Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
