Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
